She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
