After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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