My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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