I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
