I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
