My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
