covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
