come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
