she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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