You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
