i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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