Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
