I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
