Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
