i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
