FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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