the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
