This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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