I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
