I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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