This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
