You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i think i just lost a toe
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
