Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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