I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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