ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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