Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize