im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
