Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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