I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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