the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
