Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
