If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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