I heard we made out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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