whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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