that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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