you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
