I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
