Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
