There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nutella sex= disaster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
