I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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