I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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