First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
