I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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