I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
