Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
