my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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