oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Two words: nipple clamps
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