ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
