Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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