I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
