I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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