i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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